how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
