I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Enjoy the penises
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
