i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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