You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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