C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
