What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
