His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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