omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
