They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
