Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
