i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
