You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
you will always have a special place in my vag
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize