maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
