Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
