How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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