They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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