I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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