My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
