did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
