This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
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