Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Randomize
