Swine flu. Run for my life!
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
