FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Enjoy the penises
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
