R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
