That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
soo... how was my night?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
