the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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