i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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