went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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