get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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