Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
