you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
