I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
