No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
