I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize