if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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