We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
