i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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