Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
did i walk over a car last night?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
