mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
