Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
