Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
