Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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