So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
