An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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