Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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