I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize