wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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