It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
