i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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