Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
