Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
