I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
