Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize