Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Just high enough for therapy.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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