I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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