do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
