someone get that fucking seahorse.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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