i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
