i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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