official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
