$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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