And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
