Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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