You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
