god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Your penis caused this!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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