You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
