FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
