he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
