remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
