I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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