My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Can't talk, ducks in the car
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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