So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
