i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
