He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
