Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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