I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
