Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
