New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
