i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I want to stick my p in your. b.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
